first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
