Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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