Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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