it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dicks are not precious.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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