I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
