FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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