God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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