Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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