I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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