you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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