he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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