in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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