I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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