dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
this is an emotional support booty call
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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