I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
