Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
