brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
someone threw a dead crab at me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
