Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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