He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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