i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
