he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
