i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
