I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
