We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
