mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
