Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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