I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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