Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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