Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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