Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
