Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
