I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
