Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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