i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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