my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
