and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
