his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
