Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
