I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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