i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Randomize
