Cold hands, warm shart.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
