I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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