sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
