im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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