i just sent this text using only my big toe
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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