youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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