When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
