i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
