I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
