Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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