The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
