i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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