Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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