Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
