I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
