From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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