I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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